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I just don’t understand why my mother insists on making the same mistakes over and over. She knows how to push my buttons and say and do things that make me annoyed, yet she does them anyway and expects me to react differently. She’s doing the same thing to me that she did with my older sister: guilting her about money when she got a job and ranting about being an adult and threatening to kick her out, thus accomplishing pushing her away completely. It’s like she doesn’t care that she’s making herself seem like a hypocritical bitch that wants to take advantage of her children as much as possible. Or she really is too dumb to see it. And then she makes comments about how I’m never pleasant to her. Well, maybe if she had given me any emotional support throughout the last 18 years of my life instead of being an absentee mom that piled all of her baggage onto me and occasionally financially supported me I would be nice to her. Or talk to her. I just don’t know why she wants to rock the boat with the daughter who should’ve thrown her overboard for what’s she done to her and her sisters. It’s exhausting living with her.

I used to be forgiving but now I’m not anymore.

So for years now I’ll occasionally have this same type of nightmare that feels like a movie, kind of like a Jason theme but not really. The serial killer coming after me just leaves messages and traps to try to kill me but they don’t work, though he does end up killing a lot of my friends. But in the last half hour I dreamed that he brought a mob of people and actually got to kill me. He cut me in half. At this point I had the 3rd person view and “I” didn’t look like myself, instead I looked like an actress. And this all took place in my house. With the most random people from school defending me and dying.

Really weird. It’s cool that those dreams came to an end though.

It’s the 10 months today in my relationship. It’s cute and swell. Having someone you love tell you that you look like you’re losing weight even when you’re not is the best. I have a date this Friday! And hanging out with Summer (my Facebook relationship for 17 months, ha) to look at prom dresses, eat a pazookie (my first!), and unwillingly support Amoride on Saturday. Just kidding on the unwillingly. It’s more like … endearingly. Like watching your kiddos in a school play. Okay enough about that. 

Okay enough with this all. 

Hey! So. My hands are currently stinging and hurt because I now work! and I’ve been washing my hands in water that’s way too hot. Waah. But yeah guys I work! It’s nice, it’s good. But really. I’ve been kind of dying because I’ve had training right after school yesterday and today and tomorrow and I have zero time for homework thus I try to do it all while I’m at school

and sleep… yeah about that. At least they said I’ll be getting a free lunch tomorrow when I’m certified. 

And I almost thought that I had a midnight premiere to go to on Thursday, so I was like “great I am getting no sleep whatsoever” but it’s totally next week so I’ll actually get some shut eye! Woooo! 

Tomorrow is my 10 months with ze Blakey Blake! … I have a feeling he’s doing something. I DO NOT LIKE KNOWING I’M GETTING SURPRISED. Ha, what if there’s actually not going to be anything going on. That’ll bite me. I’m in love with him. Wut.

Carl’s Jr chicken ranch wrap is good, not gonna lie. 

Welp.

This concludes. Until the next time I can muster the strength to type,

Fitz!